In a world of cut-throat competition and war, Dale Carnegie proposed the rediscovery of soft-strategy as a means of power and influence in a personal level. His ‘How to make friends and influence people‘ (1936) builds upon some basic principles of human behavior, the main one being that a positive stimulus gets positive response. A classic and constant reference in its genre, it still stands its ground as a best-seller and a very influential book in general.
On the basic assumption that human beings thrive on praise and on good feelings, Carnegie present a series of estrategies to persuade people to come around to your points of view and get them to do what you want them to; by encouraging, smiling, approaching friendly, listening, controlling your own aggressive impulses, avoiding direct confrontation and refraining from pointing out mistakes harshly one supposedly will manage to use people’s highest standards and noble motives (the ones they feel obliged to live up to) to pave the way to agreement and mutual benefit.
However, contrary to what one might think, Carnegie does not want to instigate artificiality or pretense. He believes that cordiality, soft-management and focus on one’s interlocutor’s points of view evoke a kind of natural law which, once applied, can bring an overall improvement in human relations on a professional and even ethical level and will grant, to the one who consciously makes use of it, the double power of influence and friendship.
The book is mostly based on empirical (sometimes downright anecdotal) evidence obtained by the author himself in the exercise of his profession: having been a very successful public speaker, a salesman and having conducted educational courses for business and professional men, Carnegie had the opportunity to interact and learn his principles from many important personalities like statesman Franklin Roosevelt and famous actor Clark Gable. So the rules of his book would not stem from ‘mere theories or guesswork’ as they supposedly ‘work like magic’.
Many other self-help books–some of them way more theoretically sophisticated than the present one–would later on reproduce this same ‘magical’ promise in different tones and colors. However, this particular classic stood the test of time and apparently is still believed by many as an efficient and honest way to attain its goals.
While reading ‘How to make friends’ one cannot but suspect that by using such techniques ostensibly in today’s world one risks coming across as unassertive or fundamentally weak. More recent best-selling authors like Robert Greene, and his famous ’48 Laws of Power’, for instance, shows many different approaches and strategies used to gain influence throughout history: Carnegie’s soft-strategy offers only one among many possibilities, several of them also perfectly ethical.
I’m afraid there must be some fans out there who would vehemently disagree, but, after all, the book is a nice manual for friendship and etiquette, and one which is even a little dusty now. You may still find there insightful wisdom and psychological guidance, but there is no magic involved, of course. If you are neither in search of scientifically-grounded theories or sophisticated philosophical ideas, it’s a smooth ride, you just have to take Carnegie as that old good experienced relative or Sunday school teacher who gives you useful pieces of advice about life and success.
